


Lesbrocreation

by dankmatter



Category: Homestuck, The L Word
Genre: Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Crack Crossover, Deliberate Badfic, Dildos, F/F, F/M, Female-on-female rape, Foot Fetish, Forced Pregnancy, God Complex, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Bad At Titles, Lesbian Sex, Moral Lessons, Reality fart, Worst story ever, everyone dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-20
Updated: 2018-02-20
Packaged: 2019-03-21 12:53:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13741296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dankmatter/pseuds/dankmatter
Summary: In this flash animated, in-name-only episode, Tina and Bette try to procreate. Meanwhile, Shane kills herself. Considering the tags, you know exactly how that ends. Apologies for shitty portmanteau in title.





	Lesbrocreation

**Author's Note:**

> For best reading experience, imagine this as a badly flash animated webtoon. The characters have no lip movement, share the same actress, and the only way to tell who's speaking is by slight movement of limbs.

It was bright sunny day in Overused Shithole, California. Tina and Bette were sitting at their table, smoking, watching obnoxiously loud videos, and generally chilling. While they were doing this, the entire population of straight men in the city were watching intently, waiting for them to get horny. "I do say, I appreciate the attention we are getting," Tina said in a bad falsetto British accent. Bette was too focused on her video on her iPhone. "Yeah, that asshole deserved it!" she yelled. What was she watching, you viewers may ask? Kids in a Sandbox! However, because there were hot lesbians, the straight men were unfazed by the pole in some guy's penis.

"I just had a brilliant idea!" Bette said. "Let's get a dildo!" The straight men began having a collective seizure over the possibilities, foaming at the mouth and acting like apes. Tina, being the unlikeable bitch she is, "Sure, but how large should it be?" "Any size we want!" The two happily skipped out the shop, the les yayiness causing mass unconsiousness. While they walked to the dildo store, the camera pans in on Shane's house. Her room was painted purple with a strange, lavendar symbol on it. "I'm fed up with dis werld," she said, shooting herself in the head. A portal opened in the wall as glowing light surrounded Shane. She had become the Rogue of Rage. Out from the portal came two bent horns, followed by a gray face. "WaDdUp My MoThErFuCkIn VeRtAbRoThEr?"

Tina and Bette walked into the sex shop, which inbetween Toys r Us and the local elementary school. Porn movies, whips, and exotic sex toys from all around the globe adorned the aisles. Behind the counter was a black guy behind the newspaper. By black, I mean the paper and his hat were obscuring the light, making him look like the color black, not the term for dark skinned people. "Whatchu want, fam?" he said in the whitest accent possible. "I would like to buy this dildo, please," Bette put up a 12 inch strap-on. The guy put down the newspaper, revealing the Hispanic skin tone and Asian eyes. "That'll be 1,000 monies, nigga. Shit was retrieved from the Six Day War," he told them. The dildo was made with the same plastic as the Game Boy, so it still looked brand new. Obviously, Bette had 10,000 dollars, odd for a Los Angeles resident. The two walked out of the sex shop. "This is gonna be so much fun!" Tina said. "Sorry, but I'm not in the mood," said Bette. "That's okay, I can wait..."

"Hey, you're Gamzee Makara from Homestuck!" Shane said. Gamzee hopped from the portal, closing it behind him. He had no pants or boxers on, revealing his violet-colored tentapenis. Of course Shane had read Homestuck. Not knowing what Homestuck is is like not knowing what Columbine or Impact font memes are. "You're even hotter than in the comic." Shane was obviously bisexual, as every woman is bisexual and men are only straight or gay. Sorry, that just slipped out. The two gazed into each other's eyes, hearts filled with passion and horniness. The two began making out furiously, Gamzee dry humping against the gray cloth. Shane took all her clothes off and the two had sex.

Bette opened the door for Rapist Bitch, I mean Rapist Bitch, I mean the worst excuse of a human being I've ever seen in my fucking life, I mean Tina. Bette had been holding in her urine all month due to misspeaking on a Reddit AMA. Tina took her pants off, put the dildo on (without cutting the price tag off, giving an itching sensation) and, with the speed of Achilles, darted up the stairs to Bette. "I WANT YOUR KIDS!" she screamed like a banshee. Like any real lesbian, Tina has wanted kids since she discovered her lesbianism, and she wanted Bette to give birth to them. Bette learned a lot after the last rape attempt, so she punched Tina in the face. Tina began falling. "I told you about stairs, sis! I told ya, dog!" Bette taunted. Tina's skull cracked on the wooden floor. Kit came of Bette's room for some reason "Guuuuurrrr-" a random bullet came from the window as pierced her skull, killing her instantly. "Shut the fucking hell up, you obnoxious piece of stereotypical racist trash!" said Shane. She went through the window with Gamzee. "whats this filthy lowblood doing in your house?" he said, beginning to sober. His tranquil tone alerted Bette. "Who is he and what's-"

Gamzee grabbed her neck and throttled it, choking her to death. "Time to fucking yackity sax it," Shane said, flying off. Gamzee skipped after her like a little girl chasing a butterfly. However, he skipped into a manhole. "Phew, glad he's gone. I can't believe I had sex with a closeted psychop-" she was cut short by flying into a building and falling ten stories. As the cartoon gag goes, a phalllic bump erected from her head, and she coughed up rainbows because the censors wouldn't allow real blood. The loud thud woke Alice up. "Oh, shit, who the fuck woke me?" she said, her voice breaking every window in the building. She grabbed a gun and jumped out the window, landing on her feet like a cat. "Shane? What the hell are you wearing?" she demanded. "I killed myself and woke up in this." Shane explained. "Nigga are you high?" Her assumption was proven wrong when Gamzee, covered in water with crocodile teeth in his ass cheeks, came walking up to them. "IM GONNA KILL YOU LOWBLOODS!" he said. He dashed towards them. They dodged, causing his horns to get lodged in the wall. Shane pulled him out, throwing him at the ground. As soon as she turned around, Gamzee took out a string from hammerspace and caught her neck with it

"Oh noez! Shane's gonna die!" Alice yelled. All glass and technology in the western United States broke. She got behind Gamzee, grabbing his neck with her arm, and pointing her gun at his temple. A gunshot fired, but it wasn't Jenny's. Tina had survived. Blood was leaking from her head, one eye was blind, and the strap-on was broken. However, her gun only had one bullet, and she just missed with it. "Shit, gotta do this the hard way," she said, pulling out her $2,000 katana, shipped straight from Japan. She ran at them, decapitating all three, creating a slurry of red and violet blood. "I never liked Shane or Alice anyway," she said. She took Alice's gun as a prize, but succumbed to blood lost. The last thing she did before falling to the ground was shoot the gun. The bullet tore straight through Jenny. "I probably deserve this for trying to revive Hitler and getting him elected as POTUS!" she said before dying. However, the bullet didn't stop.

Somehow, it completely missed every other human being, landing in the wall of a house. In that was was Tim and Mark making out while Angus buried his nose into Tim's feet. This was being watched by Kelly, who was touching herself to it. Not just because male-on-male turns her on, but also to troll the straight male audience. "Did you hear something?" Mark said, making everyone stop. The sound didn't happen again, so they continued on with sex. The moral of the story is that you shouldn't trust strangers who come out of weird portals.

**Author's Note:**

> I actually don't think that trolls have tentapenises. On an unrelated note, I absolutely hate the L Word.


End file.
